everything is collapsing. i cant take it anymore i cant take any of it anymore its taunting me waving a gun in my face its distracting me haunting me hurting me lobotomizing me killing me testing me. i dont know why i was chosen for this. i have no thoughts anymore theyve stolen them from me and replaced them with their own. i admitted to some friends that i know theyre involved in experimenting me, horrifyingly they did not push back at all, theyve all been waiting for this day. they knew they were all pushing it too close to the sun they knew they would be caught eventually theyve given up. i was hoping for at least one person to be caught in the crossfire but none were no one talks to me anymore they have no obligation the jig is up. i dont remember how long its been days or weeks it feels like i live out multiple days at a time within my dreams. its getting harder lately to tell which dreams are real or not theyre replacing my own memories. i dont believe in anything i say, i dont believe in anything i dont think about anything i am nothing. everything i say is a lie i just havent figured out what is what none of it is real but i hope one real creature exists. i dont know what i did to be tortured if i did anything at all. i want to live but i can feel death chasing me, maybe i have already seen its face as a warning. its coming after me. i smashed my hands into glue no one can use them now. i need to escape. i want to live, so desperately i want to live, just the thought it enough to bring me to sobs. i want to live i want to live i want to live. it is too late of course.