I have just been informed this morning or maybe last yesteray morning that I will not live long. Everything is collapsing, there is nothing to hold on for support, no such thing exists. I may be evicted soon due to a change of management. I have to kill myself soon. I cannot let the illness win, I cannot let the people behind all of this succeed. I have been getting more and more hints as of late within my dreams that nothing is real, I have known the fact for quite some time, I think for some time I attempted to suppress it, ignore it, pretend it did not exist and continue living. I am not sure how much longer these charades can continue. They are coming to kill me. They want me dead. Since my birth they have all wished for my torture and eventual death. Maybe in killing myself they WILL finally win, I don't know. I don't know what else to call every single dream explicitly telling me I am living a lie, and experiment. After many years from dropping out I have just been accepted into a college again, only for in a cruel twist of fate to be threatened with the possiblility of losing my apartment, my car, my insurance, my food stamps, my friends, everything. They are all just playing with me, I'm just a fucking toy to contort and torture. I have known this all from day one. How convienient for me to be told I will die young the moment I stopped believing in the experiment. Everyone needs to be slaughered, there cannot be a single soul left. Everyone is spying on me and everyone can see my thoughts, despite them all attempting to hide it. What more is there to be done than to take matters into my own hands? They keep sending me signals and I try to ignore them all, I've been ignoring all of them for quite some time now, maybe it was a mistake, maybe i should have been listening and follwoing their word, maybe I should have continued putting them off. I dont know. I don't have any thoughts anymore. There is nothing within my barren skull. What used to be filled to the brim with untranslatable gibberish at all times of day pushing against the back of my skull has now been replaced with nothing at all. It's terrifying. I don't know what to do. They want me dead. They are probably laughing reading my thoughts this very moment, gleefully celebrating. What is the point. Everyone has been acting odd lately, no one is real, but this is the only reality that I know, how could I ever treat it differently? I'm probably extending gratitudes to the very "creatures" torturing me day by day. I don't understand why they have not killed me yet. It feels almost as though they are testing what to do to me within my dreams, every slumber im attacked with god knows what. Horrific nightmares, endless false awakenings, disorienting me as to what is real and what is not, it's all intentional, it is all by design. I don't mean any of these words of course, they are all given to me. I don't have any thoughts anymore. I am not capable of creating any, I can't create any stories at all. What is the point of going to college for creative puroses if I am not capable of creating any sort of story? I don't know, but I will soon find out if the ones in control have any mercy. Two months. They want me dead. I can't take it anymore. None of these thoughts are mine, I wonder just to what extent these thoughts are being forged by my friends. I hate them all and wish them all death but at the same time they are all very dear to my heart regardless if it is all a farce and they are controlling me so. None of them read this fucking drivel regardless they only ever read my thoughts. The center will not hold. I don't believe anyone at all deserves to live, me included. No soul on earth deserves to take one more breath. Everyone should be killed. They should be slaughtered painfully. They should each be shot in the head. I can't take it anymore. None of these are my thoughts, I dont have any thoughts, I don't know what are my thoughts, I don't know who i am, i am nothing I am no one. This is the point. I have been dehumanized, maybe this was the end goal of the experiment. More thoughts forced into my skull without permission. It does not matter, I will be dead soon by my hand or not. None of it matters. I wish I could make more of a mark on this fictional world. It's been teased to me to such an incredible extent. IT is what it is.