I have thought about this for quite some time, despite the thought often attempting to escape me, but as I spend more time looking at artists and observing them I am coming to somewhat of an obvious realization. One of if not the largest deciding factor in improvement in art is self indulgence, there is no drive otherwise, there is no reason for creating anything. It is possible to become skilled while also keeping strict self restraint but what often comes about is the resulting art becoming empty, a tech demo of sorts, this is where I stood for many years and still do to a large degree. The other side of this restraint are those who become very skilled but only create for others, resulting in them never truly learn how to draw the way that they want to. Very often I would look at something beautiful, so beautiful to the point of tears, and think to myself, “I must create something like that” but time after time I simply cannot bring myself to indulge.

Without the inner courage to bring something into the world only you want, study and practice of art is near useless. This is a trap I see beginner artists fall into here and there occasionally, where they become so tunnel visioned onto becoming the greatest, a marvel of skill, that the thought of creating for themselves is never considered. This of course ties into capitalism and such but I am not the one to talk regarding that. It is hard not to loop back and repeat what I have already said but the thought remains in my mind on loop. To create is to indulge, to open up, by refusing this need the art itself suffers greatly. This is a large reason as to why people will tell me my art is off putting, often there is little to no life there, there is no desire other than to convey a watered down thought. I envy those that feel free in creating as they please. It is a scary thing pouring yourself into a piece, every minute detail can give so much information about you, even this is very out there.